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Look at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeee
You may think you see who I really am,
but you'll never know me
I am nowwwwwwwwwwwwwww
in a world where IIIiiiiiiiiiii have to hide my heart
and what i believe in
I will show the world

I have never written anything like this. It's quite odd. =\

(Photo of inspiration)

It stares its cold, black stare. A glance and it's evil, a stare back and you see its sadness. The sun bursting through the window glistens off it's glossy surface, giving you the feeling it is not at all real. But it is more real than you realize. It sits in the socket, almost like a delicate egg, for if shifted, if disrupted, it will break. It will shatter just as if you broke the beast itself. And if left alone too long it will turn, and you will feel as rotten as it has become. Then you walk away...because your mouth would fill with the guilt of your stomach.

....I really have no idea.


Not that Lizzy, Brooke, Robin, Katie, Mara and maybe one other person that can read these cares....BUT.

I have contacts. Wee. =)


Doritos and Mountain Dew. Ugh.
Thank God I waited till I got ahold of the album version. The way the radio edit takes the buildup out of the song, just ruins it in my opinion. I have the full version here in a link for you:


I don't feel bad for giving this out because it's a single atm and you deserve the full version instead of the radio edit. My advice is to just sit there and feel the build up. When she gets to the third part of the bridge you just want to melt. It's simply magical. Not to mention the lyrics take a stab at my puny little heart. Enjoy.

(Kelly Clarkson, Aben Eubanks, Jimmy Messer, Calamity McEntire)
Published by Smelly Songs/EMI April Music, Inc. (ASCAP), DigbyOmega Music (BMI), Jimmy Messer Music/Warner-Chappell Music, Inc. (ASCAP), Texoma Ten Music (ASCAP)

And I don’t know
This could break my heart or save me
Nothing’s real
Until you let go completely
So here I go with all my thoughts I’ve been saving
So here I go with all my fears weighing on me

Three months and I’m still sober When I first heard the riff in "I'm" I was like, whoa. It's so delicate.
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers
But I know it’s never really over

More instruments start entering

And I don’t know
I could crash and burn but maybe
At the end of this road I might catch a glimpse of me My favorite lyric in the song.
So I won’t worry about my timing, I want to get it right
No comparing, second guessing, no not this time

You start to really feel the build

Three months and I’m still breathing
Been a long road since those hands I left my tears in but I know
It’s never really over, no

Wake up

Then BAM, let's go into it.

Three months and I’m still standing here
Three months and I’m getting better yeah
Three months and I still am

Three months and it’s still harder now
Three months I’ve been living here without you now
Three months yeah, three months One of my favorite parts of the song.

Three months and I’m still breathing
Three months and I still remember it
Best part of the song, and the place where I start crying. And damn, those high notes!
Three months and I wake up

Three months and I’m still sober
Picked all my weeds but kept the flowers

Vocals: Kelly Clarkson
Guitars: Jimmy Messer
Bass: Billy Mohler
Drums: Shawn Pelton
Keys: Jason Halbert & David Kahne
Violin: Antoine Silverman, Joyce Hammann, Entcho Todorov, Hiroko Taguchi, Paul Woodiel, Lori Miller, Cenovia Cummins
Celli: Roger Shell, Wendy Sutter, Erik Friedlander, Sarah Seiver
Double Bass: Jeff Carney
Alto Saxophone: Aaron Heick
Tenor Saxophone: Andrew Sterman
Baritone Saxophone: Andy Laster

Call me a complete dork for being so moved, but seriously. I couldn't help it.

Step Right Up Ladies and Gentlemen!

I would like to present to you, a PERFECT SCORE speech. Yeah, that's right. A++++++++++++. 130 outta 130. *brushes shoulders off*

Our only speech requirements were it had to be a persuasive speech and be between 6-8mins long. We also had to have a visual aid...but I really couldn't think of one. =\ So I didn't have one. XD


How many of you know what self-harm is? Well it's said that 1 in 25 Americans will self-harm at least once in their lives. People need to be aware that self-harm is serious and not something to be overlooked. In this speech I will talk about types of self-harm, why people self-harm, some warning signs and ways to help someone you know, who may be self-harming.

Self-harm, or self-injury involves self-inflicted bodily harm that is severe enough to either cause tissue damage or leave marks that do not fade within hours. The most common form of self-harm, or actually what would be more appropriate, the most well-known form of self-harm is cutting. There are many other types of self-harm though. There is biting, burning, scratching, skin picking, hair-pulling, hitting the body with objects or hitting objects with the body, and multiple tattooing or piercings for reasons other than decorative.

It's hard to know how common self-injury is, due to the fact that most self-injurers do it secretly and never ask for help. Based on most studies, self-harm is most commonly known in the teen population. But it's definitely not limited to just that age group. A self-injurer can be of any age, sex, nationality, etc. One percent of Americans self-harm. That is about 2million people in the United States that self-harm. Studies indicate that amongst young people 13 years of age or old, females are three times more likely to self-injure than males. But males are more likely to participate in more violent acts of self-harm.

Self-harm is not suicidal behavior. Self-harm can in-fact reduce the tension that could result in an actual suicide. But it's definitely not recommended by psychiatrists to engage in any type of self-harm, even if you are suicidal. Acts done for ritual, sexual or ornamental purposes are not considered self-harm. Understanding self-harm is the first step to changing it. It's always hard for people to understand why others self-harm. It's usually the thought of injuring ones self that makes other cringe. Self-harm should be taken seriously. It's just like any addictive behavior, and yes it is in-fact addictive. It needs to be treated just like you would treat any addiction.

Self-harm is a coping mechanism for emotional distress. Most people self-harm to try to externalize their emotional pain. Make it physical. They use self-harm as a way to control their pain, because physical pain is so much easier to control than emotional pain. There are other reasons why people self-harm. Some do it to punish themselves for something they might have done. Others use it to relieve stress or tension, to relax and calm themselves. Some even self-harm as a way to feel alive, real. They feel so ignored and so numb that they have to self-harm to know that they actually exist. But most of all, self-harm is a cry for help.

There are many myths associated with self-harm, but I'm only going to address two of them.
"People who self-harm are just trying to get attention."
We all seek attention all the time. Wanting attention isn't sick or bad. If someone is in so much distress and feels so ignored that the only way they can think of expressing their pain is by hurting themselves, then something is definitely wrong in their life and it's not a time to be making moral judgments about their behavior. Most people who self-injure go to great lengths to hide their wounds or scars. Many consider self-harm to be a deeply shameful secret and are completely terrified of others finding out that they injure themselves.
"If wounds aren't 'bad enough' self-harm isn't serious."
This is absolutely ridiculous. The severity of someones wounds DOES NOT determine how much emotional stress one is going through. People have different methods of self-harm and different pain tolerances. The only way to really know how much distress someone is going through is to ask them. Never assume.

Some warning signs of self-harm is a preference to wear concealing clothing all the time like wearing long sleeves in the summer. Also avoiding situations where more revealing clothes would be expected like going swimming. Unusually frequent complaints of accidental injury is also a sign. A cat owner may claim that the scars on their arm, are from their cat.

It's very hard to realize that someone you care about is harming themselves. You're concern could actually come out as frustration and comments may actually drive the person away. It is import to understand that what they are doing is a way to maintain a certain amount of control, it's their way of self-soothing. Let them know you care and that you will always listen. Encourage them to express their feelings, even anger. This will draw them away from self-harm. Spend time with them doing things that both of you enjoy. This is also away of distracting them. You could also offer a therapist or a group they could attend, but you should NEVER EVER make judgmental comments. Like, "why do you do that?" "that's crazy!" "you need some serious help if you are doing that." People who feel worthless and powerless are even more likely to injure.

Self-Injury Awareness day is March 1st. I encourage all of you to try and make people aware of this problem. Many people show their support by wearing orange ribbons, much like the breast cancer awareness ribbons. They wear them to make people aware and to show them that self-injury IS a problem.

Now you know some forms of self-harm and reasons people do it. I hope you have a sense of understanding so you are able to identify any warning signs I have mentioned and try your best to help. Self-harm is not a joke, and it's not something to brush off. It's serious and more people should be aware of that.


I swear it sounded better when I gave the speech. =\

Tell me what you think! I personally think it's a way too easy class, and it's an alright speech. I probably performed a lot better than I normally would have, seeing as I started working on the speech at 2am the night before...topic and EVERYTHING. XD I got two hours of sleep and was too tired to be nervous, so I guess that helped me!! lol Thank goodness it was our last speech. =)

I'm such a bad ass. *slips on shades*

I got a tattoo you guys!!!!! It's pretty fricken sweet. It didn't hurt much. I mean it DID hurt, but nothing too excruiciating. Did I spell that right?....hmmm..... Anywaaaaaaaaaaaays. Here are some pictors and things. =D

Here are the PICTURES!Collapse )

So Yeaaaaaaaaaah. Pretty kick ass isn't it?!?!?!! Sheena was good support! Kept talking to me! Thank ya Sheena!! =D And now I'll tell ya'll what the tattoo's about.

First of all. I'm all about choices. Everything happens for a reason, BUT your choices totally effect that statement. So that's why I have the symbols for "Choice" in Japanese. (Sentaku) The butterfly is a representation of "The Butterfly Effect" also known as "The Chaos Theory". Which, in turn states, that a flutter of a butterfly's wing can cause a sunami on the other side of the world. That may sound confusing, so I'll clarify it, so its simpler:

A dog runs in front of a very old, small bridge.
A person swerves to avoid the dog.
That person runs into the post at the begining of the bridge.
Their car is throw back on the road from the force.
Oil leaks from that car.
Another car hits that same car.
That car does flips and flies off the bridge.
It damaged the bridge as it fell off.
Another car comes and swerves to miss the car still in the road.
It hits the oil patch.
It does flips and lands in the middle of the road.
More cars hit the cars.
There is a pile up.
The bridge is too weak.
The bridge breaks.
The cars fall into the water.
Many people die.

All because a dog ran across the road....

See that's Chaos theory. One small thing can eventually lead to something very big. And that's why I chose the butterfly to represent that theory (the butterfly effect), because when you make a choice, everything is effected by that choice. And your choices can either be good or bad. That's where the ying-yang type thing comes in. Ying-yang is a symbol for good/evil, right/wrong, male/female, light/dark, whatever. Basically its opposites. And I put that in there because choices can be good or bad, and they can lead to good or bad things. BUT I don't believe everything is so black and white. Thats why there is a little gray area (the shaded part). It represents that there is always something that can change a good thing to a bad thing, or a bad thing to a good thing. And of course to have the whole ying-yang effect, the symbol(s) for choice was thrown on opposite ends. It's one word, just seperated.

So yep. That's my tattoo. Choices are everything. I'm a very firm believer in them.

Choose wisely.

Jul. 12th, 2006